Should Ask Again
by warmfluffypastries
Summary: "I'm not going to ask you again," he promises. Neither of them can sleep, it's her fault, she can't bring herself to answer his question the way he wants, he's asked nine times in their lives.


i.

"I'm not going to ask you again," he promises. Neither of them can sleep, it's her fault, she can't bring herself to answer his question the way he wants, he's asked nine times in their lives. And even though the first two didn't really count, she knows the last seven have.

"Puck..." she doesn't know how to answer that, she knows it hurts him every time she says 'no'. She knows it's not fair, that she won't let him go, but she won't promise to keep him forever either.

"I just want to know why?" he finally sighs, they both stare at the ceiling and his hands rest behind his head, and hers hold the sheet to her chest like a security blanket even though they are both fully clothed.

"I don't know," she turns to watch his silhouette in the light streaming through their bedroom window.

"Well that fucking sucks," he mumbles, sitting up. He takes his pillow and heads for the living room, he's so quiet, they've both learned to be nearly silent in their own home, it started as not wanting to wake Jackson, but it's really a way to not alert the other to their presence.

ii.

The first time he proposes outside of a post-orgasmic high, their in 10th grade. She doesn't know what causes him to turn to her, idling the middle of the road waiting on the red light to turn green, "We should get married and leave this shitty town one day," he says conversationally.

She simply rolls her eyes and comes up with a reason to break up with him a few days later. She misses the way his smile drops from his face.

iii.

The second time (fourth overall) he had just left the hospital after placing his daughter in the arms of a stranger. He called and asked her to meet him out on the edge of town, near an old abandoned factory (it's _their_ spot).

She shows up with a fifth of whiskey and a joint. Promises she'll take care of him for the night, "you should marry me," he sighs after taking the first sip, he's not drunk, and he hasn't even lit up yet, but he's asking.

"You've got too much going on in your life right now, you need to focus on yourself," she smirks, "talk to me in ten years."

She blames his tears on the loss of his daughter and the loss of Quinn.

iv.

He's just broken up with Lauren and he knows that she's having a weird pseudo relationship with Brittany, neither of them are happy. "Let's just fuck this whole town," he sighs, leaned back against the cab of his truck. She's laid out in the bed, it's the perfect place for tanning nude, because the sides are blocked, and she honestly couldn't care less about him seeing her naked.

"Totally," she sighs, glancing in his direction before turning over to tan her back.

"We'll get married, and live off odd jobs all over the country," he tilts his face toward the sun, soaking in the rays.

"Or we can head to LA and be movie stars and fuck all of Hollywood."

She never looks at his face, doesn't see the way he slides his sunglasses down and shifts a little further away from her.

v.

It doesn't happen again for another year and a half. (She's a lesbian, and he's just trying to find himself and graduate high school).

Somehow they end up in New York, they agree it's easier to share the rent. Of course he has a bad job and she's in school, so they can only afford a one bedroom, and that leads to them sleeping together. Which leads to Santana admitting that maybe she just wants whoever she wants, and that includes anyone with two legs and that's okay.

"I love you," he smiles down at her, as he sets a tray across her lap. He's bringing her breakfast in bed, which is totally odd anyway.

"Okay," she nods, she doesn't know that she can answer in kind, and she doesn't really like being a bitch to him anymore because he's so nice to her all the time.

"I want you to marry me," he's got a cute little grin and she doesn't want to say no, but she literally can't say yes.

"Puck," she cocks her head sideways simply, and he shakes his head, he doesn't want to hear her say no.

It's the first time she's ever noticed that he's not completely happy. She gets a ring for her birthday that year.

vi.

He only asks one other time when she's in college. Finn and Rachel finally tie the knot when they reach twenty. It's not a big deal, but they invite them because they're friends and they are in the city. Both of their parents fly in and they have a nice meal after the quick little ceremony before sending the honeymooners off.

The Berrys disappeared not long after the bride and groom, looking like they were going to take advantage of their suite. The Hummels head for a night on the town, and Kurt and his flavor of the month head home. They are left in this swanky little restaurant on the upper west side and Puck looks decent with his recently shaved head, and Santana is of course rocking the skin tight dress she chose.

"We could do this too you know?" he glances around, nodding to the dance floor. "Have the first dance, have the nice vacation where we do nothing but have sex."

"Like we need an excuse for that," she rolls her eyes, sipping the last of the champagne the daddy's Berry had made sure they could get for the meal.

"'Tana," he grabs her hand and urges her eyes to meet his, "why d'you always blow me off?"

"'Cause you like it?" she winks, seductively letting her free hand trail up his thigh.

He scoffs before throwing his napkin on the table and storming away. They don't speak for a few days and he spends the nights on the couch, and things go back to normal a few days later.

vii.

It's her college graduation the next time he decides to pop the question. She's seven months pregnant and her gown is more like a tent, and she feels amazing and at the same time like she wants to be anywhere other than sitting in a stuffy auditorium, having to pee, and wishing her back didn't ache.

Puck insisted that they arrive early because he wants to sit as close as possible to the floor, where all the graduates are. Her parents are sitting next to him, and she kind of loves them for not making a big deal out of the fact that they are having a baby and she still has to get through after law school.

He planned a dinner for just the two of them the night before and he'd told her he had a question for her, but he didn't want to take away from her celebration dinner. It'd been a few years since he'd proposed, so she wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to ask. She'd honestly figured he'd have popped that question five months ago when they'd found out she was pregnant.

So, when her parents leave two days later, he takes her to her favorite little mexican joint in SoHo, requests a corner table away from the front door and places a velvet box on the table once their plates have been taken.

"You're going to have to say yes eventually," he murmurs, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, "I'm not going to stop asking you to marry me."

"Puck," she sighs, "there's no need for us to get married, nothing in our lives is going to change, we live together, we're starting a family together."

"So let's make it all legal," he urges, "you're the one getting the fancy law degree, isn't it better all the way around for us to have a legal union."

"Not necessarily."

He pockets the box and asks for the check. She gets a ring for a 'push gift' when they bring Jackson home from the hospital.

viii.

This time he goes full out. He gets the fancy champagne and puts on a suit. He dresses Jackson in a tiny suit, constantly awed that he and Santana made this tiny perfect human. He orders her to put on her best dress, he makes reservations at this upscale place, pays them extra so that he can bring Jackson with them.

He meets with the chef a few days early and makes sure that he can have all of her favorites ready. He gets a huge ring, one that he had to sell his favorite guitar to afford.

He gets down on one knee and tells her all the things he loves about her and about their family and he asks simply if she'll be his wife.

She whispers a 'no' with tears in her eyes, before taking Jackson and leaving him in the middle of the restaurant, he finds them on the couch when he gets home.

He puts Jackson to bed in the nursery before showering and crawling into bed.

ix.

He sleeps on the couch for a week before telling her the apartment above theirs has recently been left empty.

He explains that it'll be easier to share custody if they live in the same building. Her heart has never hurt this much before.

"You can't just leave," she snaps, hands on her hips as he packs a duffle bag.

"I've asked you to marry me..." she can see him counting in his head, "at least seven times-"

"Nine," she interrupts.

"Nine times!" he points at her as if she's proven a point, "Nine times! Santana! You've turned down every single one."

"Puck!"

"No," he demands, "You don't get to have it all! I love you! I gave up California for you! I am raising a child with you!"

"I never asked you to do any of that!" she returns, "god Puck! It's not like I know what I want in life okay?"

"Then why don't you just tell me that?" he questions, "You don't tell me thinks San," he sighs morosely, they hear Jackson over the baby monitor making his cute little baby noises. "Maybe this will do us some good, landlord says I can stay upstairs until he rents it out without paying, so take the time. Decide what you want, decide what you're afraid of and then we can talk."

x.

They don't see each other again for four days, Puck stops by the daycare to see Jackson on his lunch break, everyday he battles with himself if he should just go back so that he can be with them both. They bump into each other in the stairwell, both avoiding the elevator in hopes of not seeing each other.

She's crying and her arms are empty, "Where's Jack?" he asks before he can stop himself, it's not like he doesn't trust her with their kid, it's just that she should be bringing him home about this time.

"Rachel and Finn have invoked their god-parent rights," she shrugs, "they demanded we talk."

"That's bullshit," he grumbles, "it's not like they can hold our kid hostage, he's ours."

"But they're right," she mumbles, before trying to move around him.

"You done any thinking?" he doesn't turn to see if she even paused on the steps, but since he can still hear her breathing, and hasn't heard her footsteps he assumes she's still standing nearby.

"What if I change my mind?" her voice is quiet and he turns to look at her. He fully takes her in, her clothes are wrinkled and almost look too big, it's only been four days, he reminds himself, she can't have lost that much weight. It takes him a moment to realize he's seen this version of Santana briefly in high school, when she lost confidence in herself and it seemed like her entire body shrunk to match her shrinking believe in herself.

"'Bout what?" he's curious because if there is one thing he knows it's that Santana is not afraid to change her mind, and let the entire world know and have them thinking it was their fault to begin with.

"Being a lesbian," he almost doesn't hear her it's so quiet, but he can only stare once he realizes what she's saying.

Seeing the shocked look on his face, she can only sigh and continue on her way up the steps. It's not until she reaches their apartment, that she realizes he's following her and breathing quite heavily, he's mad.

"When have I ever been anything but fully supportive of your sexuality?" he demands as she enters the apartment, "God Santana, I realize you like women, you're attracted to them, I get that. I've always gotten that, hell you stared at Brittany like a slab of meat the day we met her and we were 12 years old!"

"I'm not talking about that," she's louder than she wants to be but she's not yelling, "I'm talking about falling out of love with you, and in love with someone else, a woman."

"So you come to me and we'll talk about it," he answers with a shrug like it's that easy, "you're willing to throw away everything we have now, just _incase _you might fall in love with someone else in the future?"

"I want to marry you Puck," she thinks that might be the wrong thing to say, "but taking that step in this relationship...it's going to ruin our family one day."

"You honestly think it's going to hurt less? My heart is broken right now, it's not going to feel better or worse because of a piece of paper. You said it yourself this is a family, we're family, you and I are parents, we are going to be in each others lives for forever, whether we like it or not. If you change your mind one day it's not going to be better just because we never got married."

"But what if it is?"

"Does it feel easy now?" he asks, "come on Santana, you're not this naive."

"Okay fine I'll marry you," she can't hide the smile on her lips even if she wants to.

"Don't do me any favors," he grumbles, stepping toward her she's within arms length for the first time in a week and he can't stop his arms from wrapping around her.

"I'm not," she promises, "I'm asking you to marry me this time."

"I don't know this is a pretty pathetic proposal."

"Take it or leave it dumbass."

"I'm taking it," he promises, pulling her tighter against him.

Finn and Rachel refuse to hand Jackson back over until they see a ring and hear a date.


End file.
